What would the UK look like if John Cabot’s voyage went not from east to west across the Atlantic, but West to East?

Probably nothing like this but I was bored last night and hadn’t touched illustrator in awhile so I thought why not do a blog post that is bound to offend everyone who reads it? Apologies in advance.

Quebec

• Has it’s own language
• Run by separatists
• Men put a disturbing amount of time/thought into their attire
• Cultural capital of UK, contains its most beautiful city
• Fantastically proficient at its national sport, terrible at soccer

British Columbia

• Tradition of flirting with Socialism
• Beautiful and full of lakes
• Home of the United Kanata’s Green movement
• Home of the UK’s best soccer team

Nunavut

• Bloody cold
• Home of the country’s indigenous people
• Invaded by Norse sailors
• People communicate by throat singing
• Lots of blubber

Manitoba

• Known for mining
• History of violent protests against the government
• Moustaches never went out of style
• People known for their friendliness
• Completely mad for national sport, despite being hopelessly shit at it

Saskatchewan

• Country’s middle
• Incest abounds on its fringes
• Parts of it are so flat, you can watch your dog run away for three days
• Everyone drives through it, nobody stops
• Hella ugly capital city (Second biggest city surprisingly awesome)

Newfoundland and Labrador

• Crazy accent
• So different from the other provinces, it’s almost like a different country
• Home of the country’s (now defunct) fishing industry.
• UK’s favourite pisstaking target. Inhabitants take it with good humour (to a point)
• A very musical race of people

Ontario

• Home of UK’s biggest and most multicultural city
• Ontario’s largest city is the only city in UK that foreigners can name.
• The capital city used to be great at the country’s national sport, but is now pants
• Traditionally UK’s business hub, but efforts are afoot to spread wealth to other parts of the country.
• People who live in Ontario scarcely aware of the rest of the country’s existence.

Alberta

• Does things their own way despite it not always being the right way
• Half-assed separation movement
• Home to UK’s largest onshore oilfield (Wytch Farm)
• Never votes Labour/Liberal

Nova Scotia

• UK’s most populace maritime province
• Nova Scotia translates literally to “New Scotland” and it’s erm kinda close to where Scotland was before Canada invaded and renamed it Quebec… sorry bit of a stretch

PEI

• Tiny and cute

New Brunswick

• Only technically bilingual (French/English) province in confederation
• It’s the last province everyone names when listing them off
• No one lives there